Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Saturday, February 18, 2012

So...

Wow!! Two years since I've blogged... What can I say, I've been busy/lazy...

Last year was a big year for me. In April I moved into a housse with my man. It's still very much looks hoe it did when we moved in. Mitch has been too busy working to do much of the "Honey Do" list and the things I want to do can all appearently wait until later according to him :P

We haven't painted, or changed the crappy faucets in the kitchen or bathroom. Nor have we ripped up the crap carpets in the bedrooms, or hung any pictures. We have installed the new sliding glass door, FINALLY changed the hardware on the front and back doors, and I've changed out a light fixture in the entry way (it was broken and therefore the only way I could convince him to even get a new one). Oh! And Mitch installed the new garage door opener, so now we can park in the garage.

Hopefully this year more things will get done. At the top of the list (well, at least MY list) is to gut and redo both bathrooms, paint, and hopefully get new carpet in the bedrooms. Oh! And! Get the gardens started and maybe plant a few trees so that we will eventually have some shade in the backyard.



On September 2, 2011 we got married in a nice little ceremony in my parent's back yard. It was very small with only family and a few friends in attendance. It also gave my parents a good reason to finally get thier backyard finished up. Everyone enjoyed themselves and thought it was very beautiful.

We had Christmas dinner over at our house this year with my parents and Mitch's mom, sister, brother-in-law, nephew and his brother-in-law's mom. We figured Christmas would also be the perfect time to tell our parents that we had recently found out that we were expecting!!

So far 2012 has treated us very kindly. In the middle of January while it finally got cold here at home, we went on our honeymoon cruise in the Caribbean.



A week after we got home we got to hear our little baby's heart beat! A few days later we welcomed our newest nephew, Simon! That means our little one will be number 8 for Mitch's family (who are all hopeing we have a girl since there are only 2 girls and 5 boys so far), and the first on my side. We have another appointment next week (I can't wait to hear the heart beat again), and we will hopefully get to see our little bean and find out if it's a girl or a boy by the end of March! Already I can't wait until August to be able to hold my little one!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Prince Charming can take a leap, I Need a Life Guard

I've decided that I don't need a Prince charming to come along and slay my dragons for me. I don't really have any, so there's no point. I need a Life Guard to come and fish me out of the ocean.

Let me clarify. After highschool it's like your thrown out into the ocean, but you're not completely alone, you're in this big group and you have lots of floatation devices to keep you afloat. And as the years go by, people drift off on thier own, some can't swim at all and sink, and some of those dingys have been patched up a time or two. You still have hope that one day you will reach land, and then you've got it made.

Recently, I just flung myslef out of my super comfy dingy, and feel like I'm swimming out there all by myself with no land in sight. And sometimes, there's a part of me that just wants to give up on treding water and let myself sink. I've lost hope that land is near, or that I can swim that long anymore.

Hence why I need a Life Guard. To throw me a rope and toe me back to shore.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

World on a String...?

Isn't it funny how the ones that people admire most, the ones people think must have the world on a string, are the most fucked up?

Most of my life, I've heard how pretty I am, how smart I am, that I would make a great catch. Yet I have yet to find someone who acts upon that. Here I am, 29, pretty, funny, smart, single, and supposed to be having the time of my life. And all I want is for things to be simple and laid out for me, to be happily married with little children, have a cute little house, and to know that everything is going to be dandy. I was so born like, 30 years too late. I know I would be in my hay day if things were as they had been in the 50's.

But now, at the supposed "peak of my life", I am surrounded by loving friends and family, I feel so utterly alone and isolated. And I don't know why. I don't think myself as unworthy. I know I have the love and support of many, but still that does not seem to comfort me. Even on such a nice day as today, when my caring Uncle helped my sister and I move some of her boxes into storage, so that I can have more space in my new place, something that I've desired greatly, I am so utterly low.

Who knows. Maybe I'm just tired, or hungry, or lacking in some vitamin or another. Or maybe it was watching the great love scenes, on The Tudors. even watching the religious turmoils on The Tudors has me upset, and I totally agree with the direction that the king took, in moving away from the greediness and corruption of the Roman Church during that era. Almost makes me wish I was religious in some way. Which is just absurd.

Although there have been a few times when I have inwardly cried out to someone, something, to ask why I feel as I do, why I feel so unloved, when I know full well that there are many that love me dearly. I feel like my whole life i have been promised love, but have never truly received it. I totally blame Hollywood for making Love seem so glamorous and wonderful, when really it can be truly cruel and painful. And making it seem as though love is "The One" and "Forever" when love can be fleeting and temporary. That one day a prince will come and sweep you off your feet and carry you to his castle.

Is it wrong to want to be a simple house wife? Is it even more wrong to want to be a 50's house wife because of the cool outfits? :)

Is it wrong to just want someone to except me for who and how I am? To want someone to put their arms around me and make me feel safe, wanted, loved, and protected?

Is it wrong to not want to feel like your heart is broken almost every day?

And I do realize that I have expressed these feelings before, and I know that there is nothing anyone can do for me to make me feel better. I am just being suffocated by these feelings right now, and feel the need to express them to someone, anyone, yet no one in particular, as I do not feel the need to burden anyone with my melancholy mood swing...