So...

Wow!! Two years since I've blogged... What can I say, I've been busy/lazy...

Last year was a big year for me. In April I moved into a housse with my man. It's still very much looks hoe it did when we moved in. Mitch has been too busy working to do much of the "Honey Do" list and the things I want to do can all appearently wait until later according to him :P

We haven't painted, or changed the crappy faucets in the kitchen or bathroom. Nor have we ripped up the crap carpets in the bedrooms, or hung any pictures. We have installed the new sliding glass door, FINALLY changed the hardware on the front and back doors, and I've changed out a light fixture in the entry way (it was broken and therefore the only way I could convince him to even get a new one). Oh! And Mitch installed the new garage door opener, so now we can park in the garage.

Hopefully this year more things will get done. At the top of the list (well, at least MY list) is to gut and redo both bathrooms, paint, and hopefully get new carpet in the bedrooms. Oh! And! Get the gardens started and maybe plant a few trees so that we will eventually have some shade in the backyard.



On September 2, 2011 we got married in a nice little ceremony in my parent's back yard. It was very small with only family and a few friends in attendance. It also gave my parents a good reason to finally get thier backyard finished up. Everyone enjoyed themselves and thought it was very beautiful.

We had Christmas dinner over at our house this year with my parents and Mitch's mom, sister, brother-in-law, nephew and his brother-in-law's mom. We figured Christmas would also be the perfect time to tell our parents that we had recently found out that we were expecting!!

So far 2012 has treated us very kindly. In the middle of January while it finally got cold here at home, we went on our honeymoon cruise in the Caribbean.



A week after we got home we got to hear our little baby's heart beat! A few days later we welcomed our newest nephew, Simon! That means our little one will be number 8 for Mitch's family (who are all hopeing we have a girl since there are only 2 girls and 5 boys so far), and the first on my side. We have another appointment next week (I can't wait to hear the heart beat again), and we will hopefully get to see our little bean and find out if it's a girl or a boy by the end of March! Already I can't wait until August to be able to hold my little one!!

Go Lisa! It's Your Birthday!

Gonna party like it's your birthday!

Well, not really. This year I'm not so into my birthday. Maybe it's because of the number (31, or as I was saying last Wednesday 25 for the 6th time), maybe it's because my favorite spot to celebrate just closed down last week. Or maybe it's because every year that I get totally excited and plan something spectacular (or only mildly amusing), it always turns out to be disappointing.

Last year I had a big shin-dig planned for my 30th, but I was horribly horribly sick and had to cancel it. Some close friends and I went out for dinner then next week, but it just wasn't the same.

This year I'm just all shades of depressed, and I'm not expecting anything, not even presents. I've been a hermit for the past year, not working much and mooching of my parents. I wasn't even expecting the traditional check from the parents this year, in fact I was hoping I wouldn't get one. I don't feel like I deserve it. So I thank my dad for giving me an iTunes gift card instead.

I can only hope that this year will turn out even slightly better than last year. It would be nice to have a job throughout the whole year instead of just now and then. And maybe one day I'll find that elusive shiny button that you push and your life just falls together perfectly. Once day... Not today though...

Yarn Haul!!

I totally just realized that I forgot to update my Christmas yarn haul on here. Dressew is EVIL!! $1.99 a ball!?!?

So the story is, I went to Vancouver before Christmas to be a nice and drive my sister up here for the holidays. She had to work on the 23rd and I figured if I got there the night before, then I'd have plenty of time to check out the yarn stores down there since I'd never been. First Yarn stop (not the first stop of the day, in fact by this time I'd already spent most of my budget) was Sweet Georgia Yarns, a lovely lady who has a dye studio that's not really a shop, but you can drop by and see her doin her thing.
An unassuming building:

What you see when the elevator door opens:

I got 2 skeins of Fairy Floss (Purple), and after Christmas I went back and got 2 skeins of Big Buttercrunch



Next stop was Birkeland Bros. where I picked up a little bit of roving. And after MUCH to much walking I made it to Three Bags Full, where I picked up my first 2 balls of Noro.

Then I was headed down to East Hastings to check out Bad Anna's (which was totally awesome AND having a sale the day I was driving my sister BACK to Van) where the totally awesome girl told me about the yarn they had at Dressew for $1.99 a ball. I wasn't originally going to go there as it's mostly just acrylic junk, but they had some 100% wool too, and as it turns out, some yarn that I had been looking for in Kamloops and couldn't find.

So things got a little out of hand there:

Knitting Knot

It's ridiculously hard to motivate myself to get knitting again. I still still have a million gazillion projects that need to be finished, and I don't want to pick up a single one. I apparently would rather spend all my time in front of the computer.

Maybe it's because all these projects are in the beginning stages and aren't nearly close to being finished so it's not like I can go "Oh! I'll just finish up this one!" and get into the groove again. They're all just monotonous and boring stitches too. Or I have to frog and start over on some... I did start a new scarf with a heavy cable (getting ready for next winter YAY me!!) but, I didn't like the gauge and I don't have any bigger needles, so I have to go buy some. And I stepped on the needle that it's on and broke it (grama's old plastic ones so no real big lose). I have the knitting blahs. Maybe I should try spinning for a bit. I'm sure increasing my yarn supply EVEN more will motivate me to knit more. NOT!!

In other news, I opened up my Etsy Store!! Yay!! You can now by my stitch markers and jewelry sets at Pandalina.etsy.com. And what ever I decide to make and put up there in the future. I just got a yummy book on how to make soaps and bath bombs GLEE!! Need to get supplies for that now. Why do all the things I like to do require me spending money I don't have? Well, I guess that's why they have etsy! Good thing there's a good sale at Michael's this weekend.

I've also got to get a shaped cake pan for a 4 y/o. My little princess Quinn's birthday!! Haven't made one of my cakes in FOREVER!! So yummy!!

That Movies Was GREAT!!!

I've been meaning to write things for awhile, but it was never anything more coherent than a Facebook or Twitter update, so I didn't bother. But I'm just in such a good head space right now, that I felt I had to share something, specifically something positive, with the world right now. Especially since my friend posted about how all people ever do on the internet is complain about their lives. :P

I just watched "He's Just NOT That Into You" and it was a lot better (more positive) than I thought it might be. I was quite sure that it was going to make me depressed, because the title is pretty much the statement of my life (and many other girls I'm sure), but they did it in a really funny way. And yes, it was rather predictable, but really, what movie isn't now-a-days.

Right now I feel a billion different things at once. I want to write a billion different thing here, that totally contradict each other, but I can't put them together in a way that makes sense, even to me. I feel inexplicably confident and happy right now, which usually can only mean that I am going to crumble and fall down deep rather soon, but for now I'll just enjoy the euphoria. However fleeting it may be...

Like a Bitch in Heat

Why oh why do I behave like a bitch in heat whenever I like a guy? Seriously! I couldn't sleep last night because all I could think about was gettin him naked. It's totally redonkulous!! Not that it wasn't a pleasant thought, but I would have liked to get some sleep so I wouldn't be so bagged at work today.

Stupid boys!! Turn me into a crazy, hormonal 16 year old every time!! Especially stupid boys that are, well, stupid. If a girl out right tells you that she's into you, could you at least have the common decency to tell her out right if you are or not? I mean really! How many times must I complain about guys not having any balls!! I'm so fed up with the cat and mouse game of playing hard to get. I just wanna know whether you're worth my imagination or not. I mean really!! Just a simple yes or no. How hard is that?!?

What can I expect from the young-ins though...

But he's so cute, in that dopey kinda way...

*Edit to add that being horny makes me ridiculously impatient and how dare everyone Else's lives not revolve around the internet like mine does!!...

Life on Pause

So... After a friendly call from my credit card company asking for money I don't have, I've been rethinking this moving thing again. It's just not viable at this time.

I've put a lot of things like getting a real job on pause because what sense would that make if I'm only going to leave in a month. Then one month turned into two, and now into three... And now I'm sitting here with absolutely no money wondering what the hell to do now.

I really wish I could just win the lottery and be rid of all this debt. I'm not greedy though, $20,000 should cover it. Then I'd be able to live the way that I want too. Happy and free.

Delays for Dollars

So, I was originally planning on moving to the Calgary area the end of May to try to get a full time Nanny job and get my Early Childhood Education (ECE) part time starting in the fall. But then it was pushed back to the end of June so that I could continue to watch my current little munchkins until school was out.

Now, I'm incredibly poor, and someone finally called about the poster I had put up at my corner store in May. So now I'm staying until end of July, or so, because I need money to pay bills, and I haven't lined up a job in AB yet.

I've been excited about moving to Calgary, but also naturally scared that it isn't going to work out like I planned and I'll end up moving back home again. I'm hoping that starting off staying with my cousins will give me a better foot hold, and also a chance to spend some time with my quickly maturing teenage cousins. Although, they are going to be out at Mara Lake all summer, which is far closer to Kamloops, and makes me jealous because I wish I could be out there instead.

The good thing about staying is that means I'm not missing out on another Kamloops summer. I love summers here. And I can still indulge on all the fresh fruit and veggies growing in our garden, which I missed out on last year :(

Tudor times...

Oh, the pleasure of lazing about and watching the beautifully poetic "The Tudors"... I can't watch that show without having grandiose thoughts of poetry and those gorgeous gowns. I always get so plumped up by renaissance shows. So decadent and lush. So poetic and scandalous. Did I mention the lovely gowns yet?

I need to go right a horribly romantic poem now.... Here's one to start:

I dream of times long ago
Of Kings and Queens and such wondrous things
Of splendor and glamour
And the decadent wears of lords and their ladies

SLEEEPPP!!!!

So, I'm out in Alberta visiting with fam and friends, and I CAN'T SLEEP!!!! I am SOO friggin tired. OK, so last night was totally my fault and I'm not going to talk about it, but Saturday night I couldn't fall asleep, Sunday couldn't fall asleep, Monday stayed up really late watching videos because I couldn't fall asleep. I've had MAYBE 3-4 hours a night, and by night I mean morning.

Also, I think that it really sucks that I have a camera on my laptop but can only use it for MSN not making cool video posts.

Also, I've had alot of sugar in the past 4 days. that maybe part of the reason why I can't sleep.

Also, my cousin is a super hyper bubbly bouncy 13 year old and I think it's wearing off on me...... Or it's the sugar.....

I need a nap and I know of someone else who needs one too :P

I woke up this morning...

and I didn't feel like going to work. So I didn't. I guess I just quit. Maybe I'll be nice and go in tonight to tell them that, and to clean out my locker. Now I gotta find a new job that will let me have days off to babysit...

Oh, also. I have no tongue ring anymore. A ball came off the other day and I decided last time that happened that if it happened again, I was just going to leave it. So I left it. I have a whole tongue again, I wonder what I can do with it?

One Step Closer...

I finally got my Auth # to start the transfer of my domain name. Now I've had to send in a another complaint that I haven't received the email from them letting me acknowledge the transfer on their end, which is the last step. Then I am free to use the stuff I got through Go Daddy, including some web space and a thingy that sets up web pages for you (so I don't have to do all the work).

I should get the pics I took of the River bank last week up on flicker as well. But it's my one day off for the week, and I am content lazing around and doing um-teen loads of laundry. If the clouds would go away, I would take some pictures of the flowers that are starting to bloom now....

Um... update

I've been told by a friend that I must post a new blog, and looking at the date from my last one, I'd say it has been awhile.

So, I'm back in the 'loops. And much happier for it. I've got what already seems like a great job, but I've only been there a month so we'll see ;)

Turns out my cat got flees, probably in Van. I was devistated to hear that. I didn't even know!! How bad do you think I feel?!?!

I'm living at James' with his mom, which is OK except it's a tiny trailer and she's quite the talker and sometimes you just want to be alone, or actually hear the show you are watching...

Um.... ya.... It's late and I don't know what else to say right now except: I hate how conservative my town is...

When I grow up, I want to be:

So for the past few years I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out just what the hell I want to do with my life. I've always dreamed of being famous, so now that reality is staring me in the face, I realized I have to figure something out that is a little more down to earth and practical. Because lets face it, the closer you get to 30, the lower your chances of randomly being discovered as the newest, bestest, born to be a celebrity sensation are.

So I was thinking very hard about this as I was driving the highway towards my hometown, and you know what the only for sure thing I could come up with was? That I want to be loved, married and have babies. As long as I have that, I could give a rats ass what I do for a living (well not entirly true). And yes, for some girls this is a perfectly acceptable career choice. Some girls work thier tiny hinnies off working to get just that, married and pregnant. My problem is not only do I want the "love" part, but I also can't stand not doing anything. As much as I would love to be a kept woman, I wouldn't be able to stand it. Staying at home with nothing to do kills me. I HAVE to work. I HAVE to feel like I am contributing to the household. I even feel really guilty when my very generous (and far more financially capable) friends take me out for dinner and drinks and pay for anything. Mostly because it's my guy friends and I'm hoping that they don't think that they're gonna get something out of the deal by doing that, but most of them are just great guys who like treating people close to them as special. But the point is, I DO feel guilty.

So that's it. I want to be married to some wonderful guy and have a couple of babies and live in a great house, that I can make a beautiful home. I want to go camping in a crappy little trailer during the summer, just like I did as a kid. I want to come home from work to a home full of love.

That's what I want now. Because really, I never want to grow up. That doesn't seem like it would be much fun.

Prince Charming can take a leap, I Need a Life Guard

I've decided that I don't need a Prince charming to come along and slay my dragons for me. I don't really have any, so there's no point. I need a Life Guard to come and fish me out of the ocean.

Let me clarify. After highschool it's like your thrown out into the ocean, but you're not completely alone, you're in this big group and you have lots of floatation devices to keep you afloat. And as the years go by, people drift off on thier own, some can't swim at all and sink, and some of those dingys have been patched up a time or two. You still have hope that one day you will reach land, and then you've got it made.

Recently, I just flung myslef out of my super comfy dingy, and feel like I'm swimming out there all by myself with no land in sight. And sometimes, there's a part of me that just wants to give up on treding water and let myself sink. I've lost hope that land is near, or that I can swim that long anymore.

Hence why I need a Life Guard. To throw me a rope and toe me back to shore.

Poor Little Pussy

Everyday I am faced with the dilemma: How much whining can I put up with before I give up and let my cat outside?

To make this simpler I have created some rules such as: Not when it's dark; Not before work; And very little if it's raining (she hates getting her paws wet).

But now that the weather is turning nice, I feel bad about cooping up my cat inside all day until I get home from work. I could open up the window and she could squeeze through the bars and come and go as she pleases, but then again, so could anything else small enough to fit through the bars. And even right now, I have the window cracked open an inch and it's driving her crazy that she can't get outside (and believe me, she is trying).

The problem stems from the fact that my cat is a huge attention whore (aw, just like her mama), and loves to interact with all the people that walk by. Except for the dogs, she hates the dogs. Even the ones that are smaller than her and she could so take in a fight.

One solution is getting her a playmate, but my place is far too small to have 2 cats, and Muffin is jealous enough for my attentions (she resents my computer and boyfriends), that I'm sure that would not work out well. And anything else, she would eat.

Oh what to do, what to do with my poor little pussy....

Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know

How does one become less insecure? Oh! I know!! Stop handing out my heart to any stupid guy that walks by!! That might help.

But that's easier said then done, now isn't it. Apparently you're not allowed to have hope that one day, one of those idiots will be your "Prince Charming". You're not allowed to believe that somewhere out there, there is a guy that is perfect for you and will need/want you as much as you do him.

Actually, I should cut out the want part. They all want me, they just don't need me. They want me cuz I can pretend that I'm really cool and fun, but as soon as we hit the sheets I become one of "those" girls. The one's that get all clingy and crazy when you casually walk away the next day, the type that actually believe every word you say and expect you to follow through on it.

The only thing with me is that I've been through it so much, that I expect it and quite often stubbornly refuse to let that happen to me. I've been blown off so many times by guys that don't have the balls to even say it didn't work out for them, that I will poke and prode to try to get a response out of them. Which of course only makes things worse. All I want is for them to grow some balls and let me know that it's over...

World on a String...?

Isn't it funny how the ones that people admire most, the ones people think must have the world on a string, are the most fucked up?

Most of my life, I've heard how pretty I am, how smart I am, that I would make a great catch. Yet I have yet to find someone who acts upon that. Here I am, 29, pretty, funny, smart, single, and supposed to be having the time of my life. And all I want is for things to be simple and laid out for me, to be happily married with little children, have a cute little house, and to know that everything is going to be dandy. I was so born like, 30 years too late. I know I would be in my hay day if things were as they had been in the 50's.

But now, at the supposed "peak of my life", I am surrounded by loving friends and family, I feel so utterly alone and isolated. And I don't know why. I don't think myself as unworthy. I know I have the love and support of many, but still that does not seem to comfort me. Even on such a nice day as today, when my caring Uncle helped my sister and I move some of her boxes into storage, so that I can have more space in my new place, something that I've desired greatly, I am so utterly low.

Who knows. Maybe I'm just tired, or hungry, or lacking in some vitamin or another. Or maybe it was watching the great love scenes, on The Tudors. even watching the religious turmoils on The Tudors has me upset, and I totally agree with the direction that the king took, in moving away from the greediness and corruption of the Roman Church during that era. Almost makes me wish I was religious in some way. Which is just absurd.

Although there have been a few times when I have inwardly cried out to someone, something, to ask why I feel as I do, why I feel so unloved, when I know full well that there are many that love me dearly. I feel like my whole life i have been promised love, but have never truly received it. I totally blame Hollywood for making Love seem so glamorous and wonderful, when really it can be truly cruel and painful. And making it seem as though love is "The One" and "Forever" when love can be fleeting and temporary. That one day a prince will come and sweep you off your feet and carry you to his castle.

Is it wrong to want to be a simple house wife? Is it even more wrong to want to be a 50's house wife because of the cool outfits? :)

Is it wrong to just want someone to except me for who and how I am? To want someone to put their arms around me and make me feel safe, wanted, loved, and protected?

Is it wrong to not want to feel like your heart is broken almost every day?

And I do realize that I have expressed these feelings before, and I know that there is nothing anyone can do for me to make me feel better. I am just being suffocated by these feelings right now, and feel the need to express them to someone, anyone, yet no one in particular, as I do not feel the need to burden anyone with my melancholy mood swing...

A Small Sense Of Stability

I have acquired a small sense of stability in my life. I have found a place to live. Well, I've decided to take over my sister's place, as trying to find something that is within the same price, as close to transit and amenities, and lets me keep my cat, is proven very difficult and time consuming. Time which I don't really have... With working full time and the stress of not having a permenent address, having TONNES of clutter in my space, gotta do the dishes, gotta do laundry, gotta go grocery shopping, I'm stressed to the max. So, now I have one thing down, and on Sunday our Uncle will be helping to move most of Sara's stuff into a storage locker, and then I can actually breathe in this place without bumping into anything.

Not to mention, more space for things I like :)

Looking Up?

Hello! How are you? I am fine. Thanks for asking.

Things seem to be looking up right now, but maybe I'm just high on my meds and sleep deprived, who knows... I feel... better. I suppose getting out of the house and doing stuff is helpful. I still kinda feel isolated, but that's because I don't even have my kitty to keep me company at night. And, my body is screaming for a nice HOT relaxing bath, but I no have-y bath tubby :( I can't wait to go home next Friday, snuggle with my kitty, and plunk myself into the tub. Sans kitty of course, she really hates that thing...

The new job is good, I'm already doing a stellar job, like always. Now i just have to be able to answer people's questions about what kind of foam would be best for thier needs. Which sometimes is hard to guess as most of them don't really know what their needs are.

It would also be nice to finally feel settled, which is very hard as I am staying at my sister's with all of her stuff. I've moved it, stacked it, and glared at it with all my might, but it still just looks like a pile of junk cluttering up a tiny space. I think I'm going to have to convince her to go through it, and put most of it in storage for right now. As it is right now, there is no way that her landlady will willingly want to show the place. It looks very much like a slum hole. A very well educated slum hole, but still... You know what I found today while I was rooting through the cupboards trying to make better use of the space in them? A potato. A potato growing up INTO the wall. And the sad part is, I have this feeling that it's happened before. I'm having some serious Deja-Vu about this whole situation.

So ya, it would be nice to have most of my sister's stuff out of here so I can get some normal stuff in here. Like, a bed off the ground. Or an actual TV Stand. Or even better yet, how about a kitchen table and some freakin chairs to sit on. You want to know what there is to sit on right now? The bed, which is a futon and a tonne of blankets on the floor, a computer chair, and a couple of floor mats. i have to watch my DVD's on my laptop, which sits onto of an empty box, while lying in bed. Which isn't terribly bad because at least then I'm warm from being under the covers.

So, anybody know anyone in Vancouver looking for a roommate? Besides me that is....