Life on Pause

So... After a friendly call from my credit card company asking for money I don't have, I've been rethinking this moving thing again. It's just not viable at this time.

I've put a lot of things like getting a real job on pause because what sense would that make if I'm only going to leave in a month. Then one month turned into two, and now into three... And now I'm sitting here with absolutely no money wondering what the hell to do now.

I really wish I could just win the lottery and be rid of all this debt. I'm not greedy though, $20,000 should cover it. Then I'd be able to live the way that I want too. Happy and free.

Delays for Dollars

So, I was originally planning on moving to the Calgary area the end of May to try to get a full time Nanny job and get my Early Childhood Education (ECE) part time starting in the fall. But then it was pushed back to the end of June so that I could continue to watch my current little munchkins until school was out.

Now, I'm incredibly poor, and someone finally called about the poster I had put up at my corner store in May. So now I'm staying until end of July, or so, because I need money to pay bills, and I haven't lined up a job in AB yet.

I've been excited about moving to Calgary, but also naturally scared that it isn't going to work out like I planned and I'll end up moving back home again. I'm hoping that starting off staying with my cousins will give me a better foot hold, and also a chance to spend some time with my quickly maturing teenage cousins. Although, they are going to be out at Mara Lake all summer, which is far closer to Kamloops, and makes me jealous because I wish I could be out there instead.

The good thing about staying is that means I'm not missing out on another Kamloops summer. I love summers here. And I can still indulge on all the fresh fruit and veggies growing in our garden, which I missed out on last year :(

Good Advice

With so many people out there ready and willing to give you their two-cents on anything and everything, how do you know what advice is good advice?


I've recently had a few friends who have told me a few snippets of wisdom, that aren't purely advice, but more questions you must ask yourself in order to come to your conclusion. One such snippet was "Do what makes you happy." It sounds simple enough, but how many of us put the happiness of others before our own only to end up miserable ourselves. I'm not saying disregard everybody Else's feelings to gratify your own, but every now and then you've got to step back and go "I am I doing this to please someone else, or because I want to do it?" or even "Am I NOT doing this just to please someone else, when I'd really like to?" This sentiment goes hand in hand with something another friend has said "Who are you trying to please? Your friends? Your family? It doesn't matter what other people think as long as you know you are doing something that is right for you."

And these things have been said to me time and time again, but now that I've distanced myself from the protective bubble of friends and family and have looked back on just how much my actions are geared around trying to make other people like me, or just to fit in with something, I've come to realize that all it's been doing is making me stand out even more. Because I'm not doing what I want to do, or saying what I want to say, I'm letting my parent's shoot down every idea that I've ever had about what I want to do with my life. I've let my friends decide which bar to go to even thought I never like the one that they pick out.

I got upset when my father told me that moving back home is a stupid idea and that there is nothing for me there. And I'm sure his intentions were meant to signify that he thinks I should give Vancouver another shot and that maybe i just met more people and made some more friends the things would be better. The thing is, Vancouver is not my final destination. This move out here was to get away and clear my head, and really to prove that I could make it on my own. I've been trapped in my protective bubble for so long, that I'd become scared about the notion of living alone. But, it is time to officially fly the coop. And so what that I've decided to venture out on my own back in the same old city I just moved from.

I've learned on many occasions that my heart lies in the desert valley where two rivers, their names both Thompson, meet.

A Small Sense Of Stability

I have acquired a small sense of stability in my life. I have found a place to live. Well, I've decided to take over my sister's place, as trying to find something that is within the same price, as close to transit and amenities, and lets me keep my cat, is proven very difficult and time consuming. Time which I don't really have... With working full time and the stress of not having a permenent address, having TONNES of clutter in my space, gotta do the dishes, gotta do laundry, gotta go grocery shopping, I'm stressed to the max. So, now I have one thing down, and on Sunday our Uncle will be helping to move most of Sara's stuff into a storage locker, and then I can actually breathe in this place without bumping into anything.

Not to mention, more space for things I like :)

Vancouver?

I've been thinking of moving to Vancouver. My sister lives down there, and I miss her, and I could really use the change of pace and scenery. She has an apartment down there, which we always call here $500 a month storage locker, because she spends most of her time over at her boyfriends house, and basically is just keeping the apartment to keep all her crap in, because his place is just as tiny as hers, but with more walls. They are finally going to be officially moving in with each other when his lease is up too, which will be nice. So for right now, I have a place to live.

The job market down there is also a lot better than it is here. There are lots of warehouse jobs and such, things that I would be interested (good) at doing.

And because my sister has been down there for a couple of years now, she has a good network of friends, that I will get along with too, seeing as half the friends I have now, were hers to begin with. We always end up hanging around the same type of people, which the same morals, values, and such. So much so, that all of our friends get along with each other too. We can through a party and invite all of our friends that don't know each other, and it's pretty guaranteed that a lot of them will leave with some new found friends.

The only things really holding me from running down there right now are:
My boyfriend, the comfort of my best friends, the comfort and inexpenses of living at home, and the fact that I love this little town that I grew up in and don't necissarily want to leave it.

My best friends will understand and support me no matter what I do (that's why they're my BEST freinds), I have lived on my own before and do enjoy it, and my sister will help me by paying the rent on her place until she moves, and I could always move back home after gaining some more experiences.

The boyfriend issue is a little more complex. I have to talk to him about whether or not he even wants to continue the relationship, much less change it to a long distance one, or try to convince him to move down there too. It would give him more job opportunities too, and there is always the option of moving back.

There is still a lot of things that need to be thought about, talked about, and ironed out before I can make any final decisions though....